#blogtour – The Love Lottery by Raj Dhaliwal @Authoright #GuestPost – Top 5 Dating Tips
Welcome to my stop on the blog tour for The Love Lottery by Raj Dhaliwal. Thank you to Rachel Gilbey from Authoright for the place on the tour and for providing a review copy. Sadly, I haven’t been able to fit in a read of this book in time but I do have a fab guest post from the author to share with you today.
The Love Lottery: a comic tale of lessons in life, love, dating and the odd samosa party
In our fast-paced digital age, never has finding the one felt more like playing the lottery. If anyone knows about the cruelty and chaos of dating in the 21st century it’s Raj Dhaliwal; accountant by day, hopeless romantic by night. By his own admission, Raj is a tax wizard but a clumsy disaster area when it comes to matters of the heart. This book charts his misadventures in the art of looking for love in an age when a man’s best intentions can be coldly dismissed by a swipe to the left. The Love Lottery: a comic tale of lessons in life, love, dating and the odd samosa party explores the emotional rollercoaster of dating, charting the epic excitement and anticipation, highs, lows and disappointments of our ever optimistic search for romance. As a British-born Indian gent, Raj compares and contrasts the social and cultural distinctions between his family, his friends and the women he meets on the dating scene; a route to romance that’s littered with speed dating, online dating and feverish matchmaking, in this funny and heart-warming book. As self-appointed United Nations Love Ambassador, Raj has made it his mission to date the weird and the wonderful in the pursuit of lasting love. Want to play The Love Lottery? Then read on.
Top Five dating tips by Raj Dhaliwal
Like some people, I am great at giving out advice but not really that good at following through and applying it for myself. More a case of ‘Do as I say, and not as I do’ comes to mind.
This is really a hard and tricky subject to tackle and is not as easy as putting up a shelf or building a fire. There are basic tools and ‘how to’ videos and clips available on the internet. But nothing when it comes to the art of dating.
Numerous variables come into play. What mood are you in? What mood is the other party in? Did they have a bad day or week? Are either of you in the mood for meeting up that day/ week or not?
Not to focus too much on the negatives and what ifs but these thoughts may run through one’s mind and hopefully beforehand so as to help plan ahead a little rather than as an afterthought.
Now back to the tips. Lie, if you can get away with it, then Lie some more! I jest of course. There are generic ones to follow but theses may work well for some and not well for all.
1) The online profile.
Be truthful. Simple and easy but surprising how many are not fans of doing this. If you don’t like animals/ pets or quiet nights in and prefer to tear up the town, then state it. Be honest to an extent and leave air of mystery and intrigue. If you like your evenings out with the other half to consist of sushi, sex and karaoke in that order then great but don’t be brutally honest. E.g. Love nearly all things Japanese especially an evening of Sushi and Karaoke!
Keep the picture recent, unless you are blessed with anti-aging genes and not changed hairstyle or body shape in ten years. No one is a fan of doing a compare and contrast exercise at the first meet up.
If you are not a fan of endless dating site based emails or whatsapp messages then state it. Not everyone has the time or indeed the energy or enthusiasm to type ‘LOL’ or add emojis to every single line typed.
I am a personal believer of a phone call, no matter how short, is worth a thousand text messages. The early part of communication means you are still getting to know one another, therefore, things can be misconstrued or interpreted incorrectly from a text. Why risk ruining something so early that could be wonderful in the long run?
If there is no spark on the phone calls or dates like there is via texting, then end it. You will only be wasting the other person’s time and no one wants a virtual other half.
3) Telephone Interview
I jokingly refer to the first chat on the phone as a telephone interview. This is probably the first and in some cases the only chance to make a positive impression.
It can feel like an interview due to the nerves kicking in. Naturally one wants to come across as the person the other party is looking for, but don’t tailor it to suit them.
If you don’t like beach holidays or reading then state it.
If you have a broad accent, be proud of it and don’t put on a telephone voice and risk sounding like a 1950’s BBC broadcaster live from the Alexandra Palace.
4) The First Date/ meet up
This in itself is a daunting ordeal. I always try and do these on either a weekday after work or most likely on a Sunday afternoon subject to the other party’s calendar.
The plus side is that both parties get to see each other when they are most relaxed and looking casual. If the date happens to be a harrowing experience, then each party has the evening to recuperate with friends and can either wallow in a sea of despair or move on and be thankful.
When and where to go can all depend upon how good a relationship has been built up.
Don’t try and over impress. Coffee at Coffee chain when it’s nice and cosy will be more relaxing than trying to do a cream tea at Claridges and have whatever venue seem pretentious and imposing. Try not raise an expectation of lifestyle. Don’t cry poverty and being too frugal. Yet, don’t pretend to live one that is not you.
5) When it’s over – Be nice
When it all goes wrong and it was not to be. There is a simple rule. Let’s bring back dating etiquette, not behave like teenagers having a sulk opposed to than teenagers in love.
If you plain and simple didn’t fancy the other person, then be nice and say there was no connection. Don’t be brutally honest e.g. you don’t look as good in real life as your picture or you’re not as interesting as you make out in your profile.
If you are the party that gets dismayed, don’t tell the other person that they won’t meet anyone else like you or they were punching above their weight anyhow with you. Tempting as though it is, you never know when your paths may cross again e.g. they could turn out to be a friend of a potential partner – small world.
The overriding message here simply is honesty and integrity. Common sense stuff but rarely seen. Dating and meeting someone does not have to be hard at all. The only hard thing should be pinching one’s self when having met an incredible person.
Thanks so much, Raj, for these invaluable tips.